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In choosing who would be your spouse, there is a lot of focus on the Love word. People keep asking you if you love the person, most times referring to your feelings about the person. While I believe you should have loving feelings towards the person you want to or is married to. I also believe you have to like the person.

What is the difference between Love and Like you might want to ask. Love, according to a sizable number of people, has to do a lot with the feelings you have when you are around that person. Your feelings around a person is not dependent on whether you like the person. You might feel good around the person because of the way they look, their impeccable grammar, their skin color. How the person resembles your mum, the church the person attends. The course the person studied and a lot of other mundane things like the way they pronounce “r” when they talk.These things, while okay are not the things you base a marriage on. Do you like the person? If you didn’t have strong feelings of attraction or chemistry for that person. Do you still like the person? Do you like the person’s character, values, desires, and actions? Is the person someone who can effortlessly be your friend? The reason why I am asking is that emotions are quite fickle. A person you have the hots for can become someone you detest tomorrow based on their action.

What keeps a marriage standing is basically the character and commitment of the people in the marriage, not the chemistry between them. If these two, character and commitment, are standing, Chemistry can be built easily with a tweak here and there.

As a married person, I want you to ask yourself if your spouse likes you. I know they love you and are committed to you, but do they really like what you stand for, how you treat them? Your treatment of other people. Is there something they always complain of when it comes to you? Is it something that can be changed or improved upon? Can you both work on liking each other and becoming likeable?

While Sex, attraction, chemistry is important in marriage. Liking each other makes it easy to attain and recreate chemistry even when it seems lost. There was a time I would complain that my husband does not call me during the day. He feels since he would see me later at home, he doesn’t have to call. I would insist that I like to be called during the day when I am not at home. It shows to me that he was missing me. Shortly after that, he changed. He started calling me during the day and when I ask him why he called, he would say he just wanted to hear my voice. Sometimes I am shopping and he calls me to say they are all missing me and that makes me happy not just because he called me but because he calls me because he knows I like to be called.

So this is the process flow. He called me because he knows I LIKE to be called and that makes me like him more. So if and when he pulls me close to him for a kiss or a massage, I would want to be kissed by him because I like what he did, which means I like him and which brings the Chemistry back into our relationship. (I hope you are not confused )So people, don’t just Love your spouse, Like your Spouse.

Ronke Taiwo