Blog

THEY LIED TO ME

THEY LIED TO ME
 The Honest Truth About Dishonesty: How We Lie to Everyone---Especially Ourselves (cover photo)
I, honestly don’t know who to put the blame on in the society, don’t know if it was the books I read, the movies I watched, the friends I kept or the people who knew the truth but allowed me believe in a lie. As a young girl I was a book fan, I could read anything, especially when it came to soft articles, novels and any other exciting read (take out academic book oh). I preferred reading a book to watching films. Watching something of a screen, I believe makes one lazy, the TV does all the thinking for you. There is something exhilarating about reading a book that makes your imagination go wild, when a face is described as remarkable you try to imagine the outcome of all the features mentioned and you believe the face is so bland it could never be remarkable. There is also the joy of giving the book the ending you want because the writer was so dumb to make the heroine die or live, depending on if you like her.

I was a member of a novel club and I was known and respected there because if I borrowed a big book today, the next day I could return it because I had finished reading it. The clerks would look at me doubtfully as I paid for another one, wondering if I didn’t read it and just wasted money borrowing it to prove a point. I read a lot of John Grisham, Agatha Christie, Barbara Cartland, Jeffery Archer (how can I forget Kane and Abel), Danielle Steel, Jayne Ann Krentz, Nora Roberts, Sidney Sheldon(I was hoping I could get a hug from him before he died but couldn’t) and too many I can’t remember but they all lied to me.

What I learnt from reading all those books was that Love had to find you and in most times when you are unprepared for it. Some say Love can find you after you are married with two kids. They told me it was okay to run off to court with a man you just met and get married, because time stood still when you gazed at each other. Even though I knew many of the scenes and situations reeked with exaggeration, somewhere at the crevices of my mind I dared to believe that Love was when you couldn’t think of any other thing except him, or when your hearts starts beating so fast, it leaves you breathless.

IT WAS ALL A LIE.
Inasmuch as there is a romantic part of love and an excitement at the start of something new. I got to know that making a decision of someone you want to spend the rest of your life with should not be based on if your heart beat up to 120 times in a minute or if you were tongue tied to reply to an Hello. Our feelings are just to flimsy to make a lifelong decision on.

Have you as a lady ever seen a beautiful shoe, dress, weavon, jewelry (which ever is your thing) because it looked beautiful. What if you bought a shoe because it was beautiful and realized you couldn’t walk in it because it was too high or not comfortable. Would it not have been more reasonable to get to know the shoe better before acquiring it. Learn about the shoe, wear it, ask questions about it from someone who has that type of shoe. A reasonable guy will not buy a car because of only its color or shape, you will want to know about the car, how much it consumes fuel, how fast it runs, or whatever question you need to ask before buying it. If it is not a new car you could even take a drive in it to see if the car suits you.

I have the right to make a decision based on what I am. Do we have shared values? Do we serve the same God? Does he/she love me enough to rein in their feelings until we say our vows. There are so many questions to ask before you can invest your whole life into someone. Its funny how we treat our money better than we treat ourselves. We always want to know if our investment is in a steady and strong place, if the company will not fold up but when it comes to our precious selves we give to anybody so far he/she made us feel better and removed our names from the list of singles. I almost did the same but God saved me big time.
If you have ever been me and you bought into that lie or still believe the lie, quit it now. Don’t say, getting to know or investigate him is not romantic, it might not be a romantic act but it can save your life. Love is more than a feeling. I believe it as something steady rather than fleeting, commitment rather than excitement, soul friendship rather that body fellowship, spirit communion rather than heightened exchanges of fluid in a hurry. A child will not be at peace in your hands when you are under a panic attack and that’s what Lust/attraction/infatuation/eyes meeting moment (call it whatever you like but not love) is. It makes you panic, panic until you see the next day, panic about how you look, panic about faking an accent, panic about sharing your faith (sounds familiar), panic when you see him talk to another person. That feeling makes you everything but yourself.
Love Is choosing and staying true to your choice. It is being able to share your passion with the other person and you see the glint of understanding and excitement because what you want to become fits who they want to be. It is being commited to the same God. It is having peace about that person even if he/she does not look like what you dreamed of. Love is saying I will keep loving even if I don’t feel like. It is the disageements reducing as the days go bye because you know each other too much to do what the other person doesn’t like. It is showing them to your world (parents, pastors, friends, family) as someone you chose, not someone fate threw at you. That is one of the reasons why divorce is on the rise. If I married you because of what I felt, then I should divorce you when I don’t feel it again.
My son was rushed to the hospital when he was still a baby and I saw how the the nurses, and attendants reacted when they tested him. All of a sudden it was a blur of drips, oxygen masks and panic. The panic you sense in a hospital when people were fighting to ensure someone stayed alive. I was scared because I almost did not bring him to the hospital that night when his breathing became uneven. He was struggling and crying because he didn’t want the oxygen mask and the injection stuck in the vein of his arms. I was scared and I knew I had to pray but I just couldn’t, instead the tears fell. I knew the tears was not what I needed I just needed to pray, talk to my God, my Father. As I still battled these feelings, I heard the sound of jumbled words that I couldn’t understand but sounded so familiar and I looked beside me to see my husband praying in tongues over my son and I just got strength to say God, help us out and some other mumbled pleas. Hearing him pray that night in the children emergency ward made me realize I was not alone it was not just my son, it was our son. It was not just My God , It was Our God. At that moment I just knew Love was more than heart palpitations. It was a life of sharing everything and if I want to share everything with you, it would not be only because you made my heart race faster.
Ronke Taiwo,
10/6/15
NB: Many of those who wrote those novels never experienced what they wrote. A good number of them had great, and strong marriages that lasted years. They just imagine something and write down and many of us pattern our life after someone else’s unhealthy imagination. SMHR (Shaking my head rigorously)
NB 2: My son got stabilised the next day and was discharged after some days. He is doing fine and to God i am eternally grateful

This Post Has 86 Comments

  1. Afe Olatunde September 15, 2015 Reply

    Good job ma. Many problems faced today were books/movies' experience not from human personal experience.

  23. AblissaReush August 10, 2022 Reply

    But Yoda isn’t having it.
    Like George Washington, Sandys believed that telling the truth is always the way to go.
    Shifting gears a little, let’s talk about one of the world’s greatest aphorists – Benjamin Franklin.
    It originated from Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie’s poem Tout vient a qui sait attendre.
    Give it a try!
    They’re inspirational quotes.
    If you do, you agree with George Herbert’s famous aphorism from his book, Outlandish Proverbs.
    Examples of Aphorisms for Success
    You create them.
    Like George Washington, Sandys believed that telling the truth is always the way to go.
    The origins of this saying are open for debate, but it’s primarily attributed to Abraham Lincoln.
    The Purpose & Function of Aphorism
    And get this.
    Today, I’ll define aphorism and show you how these handy little sayings make your writing more memorable.
    Guy standing at a bookshelf
    Here’s a classic Japanese saying for you.

  24. AblissaReush August 10, 2022 Reply

    Take a look.
    Yup, you guessed it.
    Want a few more.
    Not so much.
    It’s time.
    They’re in social media captions all over the web.
    Your wish is my command.
    This famous motto highlights the truism that life is full of ups and downs.
    Examples of Aphorism in Film
    Aphorism Examples in Everyday Speech
    Finally, Actions speak louder than words is another classic example.
    (I say these words to make me glad),
    As they say, Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    They’re in social media captions all over the web.
    Now that we’ve covered the aphorism definition, are you ready for more examples.
    Better safe than sorry is a piece of wisdom from Samuel Lover’s book, Rory O’More.

  26. Alexisjem August 18, 2022 Reply

    Both sayings highlight the benefits of waking up early.
    Another aphorism that’s adapted is, Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
    If you can do something, then you need to do it for the good of others.
    Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people.
    Yup, he was reminding Philadelphians that preventing fires is better than fighting them.
    Not so much.
    But there’s no certain magic to sprinkling aphorisms into your writing.
    They’re written in countless books and passed down as folk wisdom.
    The early bird gets the worm.
    So what do you do.
    Another example comes from Spider-Man, where Uncle Ben turns to Peter Parker and says, With great power comes great responsibility.
    This also reminds me of a precept by Sir Edwin Sandys, a politician who helped establish Jamestown, Virginia.
    He’s earned that title because he’s authored dozens of aphorisms.
    Not good.
    So my advice.
    Don’t judge a book by its cover.

  68. gateio May 3, 2023 Reply

    I am an investor of gate io, I have consulted a lot of information, I hope to upgrade my investment strategy with a new model. Your article creation ideas have given me a lot of inspiration, but I still have some doubts. I wonder if you can help me? Thanks.

  70. avenue17 May 5, 2023 Reply

    Bravo, you were visited with simply magnificent idea

  76. win daddy May 22, 2023 Reply

    Excuse, that I can not participate now in discussion – it is very occupied. But I will return – I will necessarily write that I think on this question.

  81. Некулицы Иван August 18, 2023 Reply

    You, casually, not the expert?

    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
    Neculiti Ivan inferno hosting

  85. avenue17 September 13, 2023 Reply

    I think, that you are mistaken. I suggest it to discuss. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.

Leave a Reply