20-80 Principle (No be Pareto)

Hmm, it’s time to talk to married couples, both husband and wife. I heard my Pastor say a long time ago, before I got married that no matter how good a man is. He is not likely to be more than 80% of all a woman wants in a man. He also said no matter how good, nice or beautiful a woman is, she is not likely to be more than 80% of what a man wants in his woman. This got me thinking and I realize that as humans we always expect more from people than they could actually give.

When I was young I had a Super Mom , who had a great business, was educated, caring and loving and I felt I was the luckiest girl in the world to have a mom like that(still do*winks*). One day, a girl’s mom came to visit when we were in primary school and she was looking so fly. She stayed abroad and came to Nigeria on a visit. She didn’t look like a Mom, she looked like a model and everyone in class peeped out the window to view the woman, who wore a hug, tight fitting jeans, and hoop earrings. At that moment I wished my Mom was that hip. I felt I would be more proud of her, though I don’t think that way again. That made me know that no one can fully satisfy you among humans.

A man went to a Pastor to complain about his wife of 15 years. He sat down in the office and stated his complaints.

“ My wife does not clean the house, she is so dirty and the house is always rough with clothes everywhere. She doesn’t sweep, or clean. In fact I will divorce her.” The Pastor smiled and asked him a question
“,How long has she been that way?”
“Since we got married. In fact even while we were dating she was that way. I always felt she would change.” He replied
“Then why did you marry her?” the pastor enquired
“Well, she is beautiful. Has a great attitude, very relational, respectful, loved by my family, a great cook, great helper, and a very great lover of God.” He replied

“Wow,” the pastor replied “,so you are ready to throw all those wonderful traits away just because she can’t keep the house clean. You are not serious. I will encourage you to get a maid who will help you clean the house because the woman you described is 80% and it doesn’t make sense for you to throw her away just because of the 20% she lacks.”

I am telling you the same thing now. It doesn’t make sense for a woman to ask for a divorce because her husband is not romantic, what about the other good traits he has like being a provider, lover, helper e.t.c. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Imagine if the man above goes ahead to divorce his wife and marries his secretary who is very neat but is not beautiful, nice, respectful, or does not even love God. It means he left the 80% package he has for someone who can only offer him the 20% he lacks. At the end of the day he looses.

It is high time we stopped comparing ourselves with the Jones’ and the Matthew’s next door. Your spouse is a different person. If your wife doesn’t have or do what the next door neighbour’s wife does. I can assure you there are some good traits she has that the next door neighbour admires. If your best friend’s husband fly’s her to various part of the world, you better thank God that your own husband can drive you to the supermarket or take you to Ibadan. I can assure you there is something he has that your bestie’s husband lacks.

Research has it that 2nd Marriages are more liable to be dissolved than first marriages because most times a Man remarries based on what he doesn’t see in his first wife forgetting that all the things he took for granted might not be in wife no 2. Let’s celebrate our spouses strength and work together to reduce his weaknesses because in our bid to attack the weaknesses we forget to celebrate the strengths. So let’s do this together. Get a sheet of paper and Biro and write out what you celebrate in your spouse (the thing that attracted him/her to you in the first instance can be of great help). After we do this lets make it a point of duty to say thank you for the kind acts and as for the horrible acts let’s tackle it in prayer before we approach him/her about it.

Love you,
Aderonke Taiwo.


This Post Has 59 Comments

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    I like the efforts you have put in this, regards for all the great content.

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    Your article gave me a lot of inspiration, I hope you can explain your point of view in more detail, because I have some doubts, thank you.

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