THEY LIED TO ME
I, honestly don’t know who to put the blame on in the society, don’t know if it was the books I read, the movies I watched, the friends I kept or the people who knew the truth but allowed me believe in a lie. As a young girl I was a book fan, I could read anything, especially when it came to soft articles, novels and any other exciting read (take out academic book oh). I preferred reading a book to watching films. Watching something of a screen, I believe makes one lazy, the TV does all the thinking for you. There is something exhilarating about reading a book that makes your imagination go wild, when a face is described as remarkable you try to imagine the outcome of all the features mentioned and you believe the face is so bland it could never be remarkable. There is also the joy of giving the book the ending you want because the writer was so dumb to make the heroine die or live, depending on if you like her.
I was a member of a novel club and I was known and respected there because if I borrowed a big book today, the next day I could return it because I had finished reading it. The clerks would look at me doubtfully as I paid for another one, wondering if I didn’t read it and just wasted money borrowing it to prove a point. I read a lot of John Grisham, Agatha Christie, Barbara Cartland, Jeffery Archer (how can I forget Kane and Abel), Danielle Steel, Jayne Ann Krentz, Nora Roberts, Sidney Sheldon(I was hoping I could get a hug from him before he died but couldn’t) and too many I can’t remember but they all lied to me.
What I learnt from reading all those books was that Love had to find you and in most times when you are unprepared for it. Some say Love can find you after you are married with two kids. They told me it was okay to run off to court with a man you just met and get married, because time stood still when you gazed at each other. Even though I knew many of the scenes and situations reeked with exaggeration, somewhere at the crevices of my mind I dared to believe that Love was when you couldn’t think of any other thing except him, or when your hearts starts beating so fast, it leaves you breathless.
IT WAS ALL A LIE.
Inasmuch as there is a romantic part of love and an excitement at the start of something new. I got to know that making a decision of someone you want to spend the rest of your life with should not be based on if your heart beat up to 120 times in a minute or if you were tongue tied to reply to an Hello. Our feelings are just to flimsy to make a lifelong decision on.
Have you as a lady ever seen a beautiful shoe, dress, weavon, jewelry (which ever is your thing) because it looked beautiful. What if you bought a shoe because it was beautiful and realized you couldn’t walk in it because it was too high or not comfortable. Would it not have been more reasonable to get to know the shoe better before acquiring it. Learn about the shoe, wear it, ask questions about it from someone who has that type of shoe. A reasonable guy will not buy a car because of only its color or shape, you will want to know about the car, how much it consumes fuel, how fast it runs, or whatever question you need to ask before buying it. If it is not a new car you could even take a drive in it to see if the car suits you.
I have the right to make a decision based on what I am. Do we have shared values? Do we serve the same God? Does he/she love me enough to rein in their feelings until we say our vows. There are so many questions to ask before you can invest your whole life into someone. Its funny how we treat our money better than we treat ourselves. We always want to know if our investment is in a steady and strong place, if the company will not fold up but when it comes to our precious selves we give to anybody so far he/she made us feel better and removed our names from the list of singles. I almost did the same but God saved me big time.
If you have ever been me and you bought into that lie or still believe the lie, quit it now. Don’t say, getting to know or investigate him is not romantic, it might not be a romantic act but it can save your life. Love is more than a feeling. I believe it as something steady rather than fleeting, commitment rather than excitement, soul friendship rather that body fellowship, spirit communion rather than heightened exchanges of fluid in a hurry. A child will not be at peace in your hands when you are under a panic attack and that’s what Lust/attraction/infatuation/eyes meeting moment (call it whatever you like but not love) is. It makes you panic, panic until you see the next day, panic about how you look, panic about faking an accent, panic about sharing your faith (sounds familiar), panic when you see him talk to another person. That feeling makes you everything but yourself.
Love Is choosing and staying true to your choice. It is being able to share your passion with the other person and you see the glint of understanding and excitement because what you want to become fits who they want to be. It is being commited to the same God. It is having peace about that person even if he/she does not look like what you dreamed of. Love is saying I will keep loving even if I don’t feel like. It is the disageements reducing as the days go bye because you know each other too much to do what the other person doesn’t like. It is showing them to your world (parents, pastors, friends, family) as someone you chose, not someone fate threw at you. That is one of the reasons why divorce is on the rise. If I married you because of what I felt, then I should divorce you when I don’t feel it again.
My son was rushed to the hospital when he was still a baby and I saw how the the nurses, and attendants reacted when they tested him. All of a sudden it was a blur of drips, oxygen masks and panic. The panic you sense in a hospital when people were fighting to ensure someone stayed alive. I was scared because I almost did not bring him to the hospital that night when his breathing became uneven. He was struggling and crying because he didn’t want the oxygen mask and the injection stuck in the vein of his arms. I was scared and I knew I had to pray but I just couldn’t, instead the tears fell. I knew the tears was not what I needed I just needed to pray, talk to my God, my Father. As I still battled these feelings, I heard the sound of jumbled words that I couldn’t understand but sounded so familiar and I looked beside me to see my husband praying in tongues over my son and I just got strength to say God, help us out and some other mumbled pleas. Hearing him pray that night in the children emergency ward made me realize I was not alone it was not just my son, it was our son. It was not just My God , It was Our God. At that moment I just knew Love was more than heart palpitations. It was a life of sharing everything and if I want to share everything with you, it would not be only because you made my heart race faster.
NB: Many of those who wrote those novels never experienced what they wrote. A good number of them had great, and strong marriages that lasted years. They just imagine something and write down and many of us pattern our life after someone else’s unhealthy imagination. SMHR (Shaking my head rigorously)
NB 2: My son got stabilised the next day and was discharged after some days. He is doing fine and to God i am eternally grateful